Rape culture and sexual violence
The culture around sexual violence, where sexualised dominance, power and aggression are normalised (rape culture) often sits in the background until we start talking about it. You may not have encountered the term before, but rape culture is present in our daily lives and many of our intimate relationships. Rape culture is typically associated with cishet men’s violence against cishet women, however, rape culture impacts LGBTQ+ people too. The impact of rape culture in an LGBTQ+ setting can look like:
- feeling obligated to have sex with someone so their feelings don’t get hurt
- being too embarrassed to decline sex so going along with it anyway
- feeling guilty and worried about someone’s reaction to declining sex
- having sex with someone because it’s what is expected in that setting
- engaging in sex because you feel like you owe someone sex
- being manipulated and guilt-tripped into having sex with someone
- feeling pushed into a particular sexual role e.g., topping or bottoming
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Rape culture and social norms
Rape culture can also make talking about sexual violence difficult and often shameful, especially speaking up about one’s own experiences. Sexual violence starts with social norms that make some people feel entitled to sex and make others feel obligated to have sex even if they don’t want to.
Rape culture promotes myths about sexual violence, which often centre the blame on the victim – this is referred to as victim-blaming. Victim blaming acts as a barrier to reporting or disclosing experiences and seeking help to assist in recovery from the trauma.
If you hear a friend speaking about sex in a way that makes you uncomfortable, you can address it with them. It might feel like a small thing but challenging attitudes that promote sexual harassment make a difference.
Here are some ways you can do that:
- “I don’t agree with what you just said because…”
- “what you’re talking about is making me uncomfortable because…”
- “I think you’re wrong and here’s why…”
- “why do you believe that? Have you ever thought about it this way instead…”
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Rape culture and sex positivity
Sex positivity centres around the idea that choices about sex and sexuality made by consenting adults should be respected and celebrated. This includes the choice to abstain from sex.
In defiance of LGBTQ+ communities being shamed for the sex we have, there are vibrant cultures of sex positivity in our communities. This culture has a powerful history, and the value we place on sex positivity means that some in our community operate in highly sexualised spaces.
These sex positive spaces are important places for many LGBTQ+ people but it is important to remember that rape culture can still be perpetuated in community spaces. This can also make it difficult for some people to speak up about their experiences of sexual violence for fear of looking sex negative, or for bringing negative attention to LGBTQ+ spaces that they support.
We’ve heard from some people in our communities that they have sometimes consented to going into sexualised spaces, or into new types of relationships (like polyamorous or ‘open’ relationships) but have found that their trust and previously agreed on boundaries are then breached. This is really harmful.
Consent is at the heart of sex positivity.
“With great power comes great responsibility”
As a community we can celebrate the diversity of choices we have in how we have relationships and sex and express sexuality; however with that we have a responsibility to continue to check in with our partners to make sure everyone is feeling safe and good.
You can read more about the difference between sex positivity and rape culture here.
Sexual violence can occur in anywhere, including but not limited to intimate relationships, dating apps, parties, sex on premises venues and beats. This toolkit discusses each of these areas in more detail in other sections of the toolkit.
If reading this content has caused you distress, or made you think you may need support, you can find an LGBTQ+ affirming service here.
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