If you are looking for professional support, go to our ‘find a service’ page here where you can search for a service to meet your needs. If you or someone else is in immediate danger call 000.
This page is for anyone who has been the victim of sexual, family and/or intimate partner violence.
If you or someone you know is abusing their loved one and needs help changing their behaviour, please visit the Are You Hurting Someone page for more information.
Talk to Someone
If you are being abused, or even if you realise that you are abusing someone you love, it can feel very overwhelming, scary, confusing and isolating.
If you have someone in your life that you can trust, like a family member, friend or counsellor, it may help to talk to them.
Here are some tips for how to have that difficult conversation:
Make sure you choose someone you can trust, who will put safety first, and who can be judgement free and reliable.
Choose The Right Time and Place
Tell them you need to meet with them privately when they have enough time for a longer conversation with you. Make it clear that you need their undivided attention. Talk to them in a safe location where there is little chance of being overheard or interrupted.
Prepare for the Reaction
Talking about abuse is not easy and neither is hearing about it. The person you are talking to may find the information difficult to understand, hard to believe and process. They may minimise the abusive actions and say things like, “it can’t be that bad” or “maybe they are just going through a rough patch”.
We know that abuse is that bad, and that there are ZERO excuses for treating the people badly, but maybe your friend doesn’t know that, or maybe they are in shock and don’t want to believe it. Try giving them time to absorb the information. You can give them the details for this website and/or tell them exactly what help you need, and make sure that includes their confidentiality.
Once you have brought the abuse to their attention, it will no doubt be on their mind and they will probably start to put the pieces of the puzzle together if they didn’t already know. Most importantly: Don’t doubt your own experiences or judgement!
To most people, abusers may appear charming and friendly and by all accounts seem to be a good person. This makes it hard as your friend or family member may not believe you at first, even if it is you who admits to being the abuser.
Police in all Australian states and territories are trained in equity and diversity and should not show any discrimination when assisting you.
However, despite this, many sexuality and gender diverse people are reluctant to contact the police due to a fear of discrimination and/or minimisation. This is mostly due to negative past experiences and a tense history between LGBTQ+ people and the police.
All Australian states except Western Australia and the Northern Territory have LGBTQ+ liaison officers. To find out more about police in your state make sure you are logged into your state by checking the top right corner of the page beside the search function. Then see below for ‘in your state’.
Court staff are all trained in equity and diversity and should not show any discrimination during the court process. However, many LGBTQ+ people are hesitant to deal with courts for fear of discrimination.
In 2008, the Australian Government introduced reforms to ensure that same sex de-facto couples are entitled to the same benefits and subject to the same obligations as opposite sex couples.
The laws about AVO’s are the same for LGBTQ+ people as they are for non-LGBTQ+ people.
The court is expected to respect your preferred name and pronoun, however your gender history and sexuality may be disclosed. If you have changed your name then the name on your current identification is the name the courts will use.
If you are caring for any children in your relationship, you should seek legal advice about your rights under the law.
Keep Any Evidence
The proof you keep may be used as evidence in court.
Keep a diary of all abuse, including both physical and non-physical incidents. Make sure you include the date and time of each abuse, name the place it happened and list any witnesses. This type of documentation can be an integral part of your case when it comes time to file charges and/or to file for custody of your children.
Ideally, you should keep the diary hidden online. If you write it on paper do not leave it anywhere it can be found.
Keep any medical reports of injuries from the abuse. Ask your doctor about safe ways they can make notes about this abuse.
Take photos. Take pictures of any injuries from the abuse, as well as damage to the home and property. Record the date the photo was taken.
Record all other digital evidence. Let your abuser’s threatening calls go to voicemail and then save those voicemails. Save emails, threatening texts, screenshots of several missed calls in a row, and anything else that may be used as evidence as it can all be used later.
Save these things in a safe place. Send them to a private email account or another phone that the abuser cannot get to / does not know about.
Protect Your Technology
- Visit the Web & App Activity page on Google if you’re using Chrome. You may be asked to sign in to your Google Account.
- Check the box next to the item you want to delete. You can delete an entire day of items by checking the box next to a date.
- At the top of the page, click on ‘delete’.
If you’re using Internet Explorer – go to “tools” on the main menu and select “Delete browsing history”. If you have downloaded any documents, make sure you can also delete your download history and remove them from the “downloads” file on the computer, then empty the recycling bin on your desktop.
Tip: If you want to delete your recent searches under the search box, touch and hold the search you want to delete > OK. The search will be deleted from the Google app and your Web & App Activity.
Delete items one at a time
- In the Web & App Activity section of “Activity controls,” touch Manage Activity. You may be asked to sign in to your Google Account.
- Check the box next to the item you want to delete. You can delete an entire day of items by checking the box next to a date.
- At the top of the page, touch Delete.
iPhone or iPad App:
Any searches that you do while using the Google app are stored on your iPhone or iPad (device history), and also in your Web & App Activity.
Delete recent searches from your device.
When you’re searching in the Google app, you may see your recent searches appear as suggestions below the search box. You can delete these searches right from the search box.
- Open the Google app .
- Touch the search box that appears when you open the app.
- Swipe the search you want to remove to the left.
- Touch Delete.
Note: Any searches you’ve deleted from below the search box will be deleted from your iPhone or iPad device history, but a copy of the searches stays in your Web & App Activity.
If you’re searching in the Safari app, use a private window (this option is available when you click the plus sign to add a new window) and close it as soon as you’re finished. You can hit “private” again to return to the normal browser.
Facebook and Instagram:
Facebook and Instagram privacy and security options are improving all the time. For the latest information on how to protect yourself on these apps, go to this Facebook page, or this Instagram page. All reputable apps will have information on their privacy and security functions if you do a Google search.
In the meantime, here are a few tips:
- Privacy and security settings – do yourself a favour and spend some time checking this in all of your apps. Be selective about who can see your posts, tags, mentions, when and where you are online and anything else that could be used against you.
- Block – You can easily block someone else from seeing your profile and from being able to contact you through your profile. For some this is a great option, for others though you may want to still be able to track what that person is saying about you/doing. You can always block and un-block someone though the frequency with which you can do this is limited.
- Mute or restrict accounts – if blocking is not the best option, you can limit how much of your profile others can see. Facebook also has an ‘ignore’ button which means that you won’t receive messages from the person you select to ignore but that person won’t know you are ignoring them.
- Filter – In your settings you can filter comments, posts, stories and videos that are inappropriate, offensive or bullying.
- Report – if someone has posted something that is harmful to you (an image or post) you can report this in both apps. In most cases the image will be removed and in some cases the account will be disabled.
- Photo-matching technologies – Both apps (plus Messenger) have the ability to scan reported images that you submit of yourself that you do not want shared (for example an erotic selfie) and if someone tries to share that image it will be blocked and the user will be alerted. That means you can have an image blocked from being shared before someone tries to share it.
- Tell your friends – if any of your friends are ‘friends’ with or ‘followed by’ your abuser, ask them not to tag you in anything or post anything about you. It is best that your abuser doesn’t know where you are at any given time.
In my State (NSW)
Rainbow Sexual, Domestic and Family Violence Helpline
There is a free phone service in NSW specifically for LGBTIQ+ people impacted by sexual, intimate partner or family violence. This phone line is operated by Full Stop Australia (formally known as Rape and Domestic Violence Services Australia) and is supported by ACON. It is a 24 hour phone service open every day of the year. If you can’t get through straight away leave a message with a contact number and the safest time to call back… or try again later. Call them any time you need information and support: 1800 497 212
Apprehended Domestic Violence Orders (ADVOs) are legal orders made by the court which aim to protect individuals from violence, threats and harassment from a spouse, de-facto partner, ex-partner, family member, carer or person living in the same household.
There are three types of ADVOs:
- Provisional Orders
- Interim Court Orders
- Final Orders
Provisional Orders: These are short-term ADVOs that can be granted in urgent situations without the matter having to be brought before the court.
Interim Court Orders: An interim ADVO is a short-term order made by the court which can extend a provisional order or put protection(s) in place for the victim until a final ADVO application can be considered by the court.
Final Orders: A final ADVO can be made by the court after a defended hearing. This happens if a defendant has been served with the ADVO documents but failed to appear in court, or in cases where both parties consent to the conditions specified in the order.
A person over the age of 16 or a Police Officer can apply for an ADVO by speaking directly with the Court Register at their local court.
If the abuse amounts to a criminal offence and police become involved, they will assess the situation. If they believe that an ADVO is necessary to ensure the safety and protection of the victim, they may have an obligation to make the application on the victim’s behalf (with or without consent).
The laws about ADVOs are the same for LGBTQ+ people as they are for non-LGBTQ+ people.
The court is expected to respect your preferred name and pronoun, however your gender history and sexuality may be disclosed. If you have changed your name, the courts will use the name on your current identification.
NSW Police are given some training in equity and diversity and should not show any discrimination when assisting member of the LGBTQ+ community.
However, many sexuality and gender diverse people are reluctant to contact the police due to a fear of discrimination and/or minimisation. This is mostly due to negative past experiences and a tense history between LGBTQ+ people and the police. In recent years, the NSW Police Force have been working to improve this relationship.
GLLOs (formerly standing for Gay and Lesbian Liaison Officers) are specially trained to work with LGBTQ+ people, and there should be a GLLO in every Local Area Command. However, as this is a voluntary position on top of regular police duties, there are often not enough GLLOs at each area command to be on shift at all times. GLLO officers receive extra training which includes specific information on the history of the relationship between police and LGBTQ+ communities, challenges and sensitivities experienced by some community members to engage with police, and effective responses to people who become victims of crime. Their training often includes a module on domestic violence in LGBTQ+ communities.
To contact a GLLO, call your local police and ask to speak with a GLLO – LGBTQ+ Liaison Officer. Many police stations have a GLLO, but these officers may not be available immediately.
Any person who reports a crime to police is expected to provide ID. This is to minimise vexatious and fictitious reporting.
Police should respect the name and gender you go by, though in some circumstances your gender at birth and your sexual preference may need to be disclosed. This should only be required where it is relevant to a crime (e.g., a hate-crime) or when naming the relationship to the person of interest (i.e., your abuser).
If a person who was recorded in the police database with an old name or gender marker (e.g., pre-transition) comes into contact with police either as a victim, witness or person of interest, then their affirmed gender and name are updated on the system.
However, there is no capability within that system to change or remove the initial recorded details, or what police refer to as the “record name” – the name and gender originally used when you were first recorded in the police system.
Domestic Violence Liaison Officers (DVLOs) are specialist police officers trained to provide support and referral in relation to domestic and family violence. Most local area commands have one or more DVLOs, however they will usually only be at police stations during business hours.
Please remember that both GLLOs and DVLOs are not available 24/7 but general police are.
You can call any police station to get the details for the most appropriate GLLO and/or DVLO.