Getting Help

If you are looking for professional support, go to our ‘find a service’ page here where you can search for a service to meet your needs. If you or someone else is in immediate danger call 000.

This page is for anyone who has been the victim of sexual, family and/or intimate partner violence.

If you or someone you know is abusing their loved one and needs help changing their behaviour, please visit the Are You Hurting Someone page for more information.

Talk to Someone

If you are being abused, or even if you realise that you are abusing someone you love, it can feel very overwhelming, scary, confusing and isolating.

If you have someone in your life that you can trust, like a family member, friend or counsellor, it may help to talk to them.

Here are some tips for how to have that difficult conversation:

Safety First

Make sure you choose someone you can trust, who will put safety first, and who can be judgement free and reliable.

Choose The Right Time and Place

Tell them you need to meet with them privately when they have enough time for a longer conversation with you. Make it clear that you need their undivided attention. Talk to them in a safe location where there is little chance of being overheard or interrupted.

Prepare for the Reaction

Talking about abuse is not easy and neither is hearing about it. The person you are talking to may find the information difficult to understand, hard to believe and process. They may minimise the abusive actions and say things like, “it can’t be that bad” or “maybe they are just going through a rough patch”.

We know that abuse is that bad, and that there are ZERO excuses for treating the people badly, but maybe your friend doesn’t know that, or maybe they are in shock and don’t want to believe it. Try giving them time to absorb the information. You can give them the details for this website and/or tell them exactly what help you need, and make sure that includes their confidentiality.

Once you have brought the abuse to their attention, it will no doubt be on their mind and they will probably start to put the pieces of the puzzle together if they didn’t already know. Most importantly: Don’t doubt your own experiences or judgement!

To most people, abusers may appear charming and friendly and by all accounts seem to be a good person. This makes it hard as your friend or family member may not believe you at first, even if it is you who admits to being the abuser.

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Legal Options

Police

Police in all Australian states and territories are trained in equity and diversity and should not show any discrimination when assisting you.

However, despite this, many sexuality and gender diverse people are reluctant to contact the police due to a fear of discrimination and/or minimisation. This is mostly due to negative past experiences and a tense history between LGBTQ+ people and the police.

All Australian states except Western Australia and the Northern Territory have LGBTQ+ liaison officers. To find out more about police in your state make sure you are logged into your state by checking the top right corner of the page beside the search function. Then see below for ‘in your state’.

Court

Court staff are all trained in equity and diversity and should not show any discrimination during the court process. However, many LGBTQ+ people are hesitant to deal with courts for fear of discrimination.

In 2008, the Australian Government introduced reforms to ensure that same sex de-facto couples are entitled to the same benefits and subject to the same obligations as opposite sex couples.

The laws about AVO’s are the same for LGBTQ+ people as they are for non-LGBTQ+ people.

The court is expected to respect your preferred name and pronoun, however your gender history and sexuality may be disclosed. If you have changed your name then the name on your current identification is the name the courts will use.

If you are caring for any children in your relationship, you should seek legal advice about your rights under the law.

Keep Any Evidence

The proof you keep may be used as evidence in court.

Keep a diary of all abuse, including both physical and non-physical incidents. Make sure you include the date and time of each abuse, name the place it happened and list any witnesses. This type of documentation can be an integral part of your case when it comes time to file charges and/or to file for custody of your children.

Ideally, you should keep the diary hidden online. If you write it on paper do not leave it anywhere it can be found.

Keep any medical reports of injuries from the abuse. Ask your doctor about safe ways they can make notes about this abuse.

Take photos. Take pictures of any injuries from the abuse, as well as damage to the home and property. Record the date the photo was taken.

Record all other digital evidence. Let your abuser’s threatening calls go to voicemail and then save those voicemails. Save emails, threatening texts, screenshots of several missed calls in a row, and anything else that may be used as evidence as it can all be used later.

Save these things in a safe place. Send them to a private email account or another phone that the abuser cannot get to / does not know about.

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Protect Your Technology

Computer

1. Visit the Web & App Activity page on Google if you’re using Chrome. You may be asked to sign in to your Google Account.
2. Check the box next to the item you want to delete. You can delete an entire day of items by checking the box next to a date.
3. At the top of the page, click on ‘delete’.

If you’re using Internet Explorer – go to “tools” on the main menu and select “Delete browsing history”. If you have downloaded any documents, make sure you can also delete your download history and remove them from the “downloads” file on the computer, then empty the recycling bin on your desktop.

Android App:

Tip: If you want to delete your recent searches under the search box, touch and hold the search you want to delete > OK. The search will be deleted from the Google app and your Web & App Activity.

Delete items one at a time

1. In the Web & App Activity section of “Activity controls,” touch Manage Activity. You may be asked to sign in to your Google Account.
2. Check the box next to the item you want to delete. You can delete an entire day of items by checking the box next to a date.
3. At the top of the page, touch Delete.

iPhone or iPad App:

Any searches that you do while using the Google app are stored on your iPhone or iPad (device history), and also in your Web & App Activity.

Delete recent searches from your device.

When you’re searching in the Google app, you may see your recent searches appear as suggestions below the search box. You can delete these searches right from the search box.

1. Open the Google app .
2. Touch the search box that appears when you open the app.
3. Swipe the search you want to remove to the left.
4. Touch Delete.

Note: Any searches you’ve deleted from below the search box will be deleted from your iPhone or iPad device history, but a copy of the searches stays in your Web & App Activity.

If you’re searching in the Safari app, use a private window (this option is available when you click the plus sign to add a new window) and close it as soon as you’re finished. You can hit “private” again to return to the normal browser.

Facebook and Instagram:

Facebook and Instagram privacy and security options are improving all the time. For the latest information on how to protect yourself on these apps, go to this Facebook page, or this Instagram page. All reputable apps will have information on their privacy and security functions if you do a Google search.

In the meantime, here are a few tips:

1. Privacy and security settings – do yourself a favour and spend some time checking this in all of your apps. Be selective about who can see your posts, tags, mentions, when and where you are online and anything else that could be used against you.
2. Block – You can easily block someone else from seeing your profile and from being able to contact you through your profile. For some this is a great option, for others though you may want to still be able to track what that person is saying about you/doing. You can always block and un-block someone though the frequency with which you can do this is limited.
3. Mute or restrict accounts – if blocking is not the best option, you can limit how much of your profile others can see. Facebook also has an ‘ignore’ button which means that you won’t receive messages from the person you select to ignore but that person won’t know you are ignoring them.
4. Filter – In your settings you can filter comments, posts, stories and videos that are inappropriate, offensive or bullying.
5. Report – if someone has posted something that is harmful to you (an image or post) you can report this in both apps. In most cases the image will be removed and in some cases the account will be disabled.
6. Photo-matching technologies – Both apps (plus Messenger) have the ability to scan reported images that you submit  of yourself that you do not want shared (for example an erotic selfie)  and if someone tries to share that image it will be blocked and the user will be alerted. That means you can have an image blocked from being shared before someone tries to share it.
7. Tell your friends – if any of your friends are ‘friends’ with or ‘followed by’ your abuser, ask them not to tag you in anything or post anything about you. It is best that your abuser doesn’t know where you are at any given time.

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Resources for Family and Friends

Friends and Family Toolkit – Say It Out Loud

LGBTQ+ Sexual Violence Prevention and Response Toolkit – Say It Out Loud

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Other Support Options

• Lifeline: 13 11 14  
• Suicide Call Back Service: 1300 659 467  
• NSW Mental Health Access Line: 1800 011 511  

• 13YARN (Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander line) – 13 92 76 
• QLife (3pm to midnight): 1800 184 527  
• Beyond Blue: 1300 224 636  
• 1800RESPECT: 1800 737 732 
• Rainbow Sexual, Domestic & Family Violence Service Help Line: 1800 385 578  
• Alcohol and Drug Information Service: 1800 250 015  
• TransHub – www.transhub.org.au  
• Pivot Point – www.pivotpoint.org.au 
• Say It Out Loud – www.sayitoutloud.org.au  
• For not immediate support, you can also contact ACON via this intake form (no need for a doctor referral) – Intake Form – ACON (aconhealth.org.au) 

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In my State (VIC)

Protection orders

Victoria has two types of intervention orders:

Family violence intervention orders (FVIO): Made by, or on behalf of, a protected person against a family member. Family members can include current or former intimate partners; parents; children (including children of an intimate partner); relatives by birth, marriage or adoption; people treated like family (carer, guardian, person related to you within the family structure of your culture).

FVIO’s have conditions to prevent the respondent (perpetrator) from using family violence against the protected person or persons. The conditions may include: not contacting the applicant or having someone else contact the protected person on their behalf; not being near the protected person or the protected person’s home; not committing family violence against the protected person. In some cases the magistrate can have the respondent’s fire arm licence suspended or cancelled.

Personal safety intervention orders (PSIO): Made by the applicant against a member of the community not in the applicant’s family. This can include: neighbours; colleagues; friends; a person you know; or a stranger. Similar to a FVIO, a PSIO has conditions that outline the way the respondent can behave. These may include: not committing acts of violence towards the protected person; no or limited communication with the protected person; not being able to be near the protected person’s home; no damaging the protected person’s property.

Intervention orders are a civil matter, however breaching an intervention order is a criminal matter and breaches should be reported to the police immediately.

How to apply for a protection order?

A FVIO can be applied for online through the Magistrates Court of Victoria website. Once this is submitted, the Family Violence Court Registrar will contact you with next steps.  If you are unable to complete an application online, you can download a paper-based application and make an appointment at your closest Magistrate Court with the Family Violence Court Registrar. If you need support to apply for a FVIO you can contact a family violence support service for assistance with the process. Alternatively, if you are experiencing family violence you can report this to the police and they may apply on your behalf. If the police attend a family violence incident they may issue a family violence safety notice on your behalf and apply for a FVIO at a later date on your behalf (without your consent).

There is currently an LGBTIQ Practitioner Team as part of the Court system that can also provide support. For matters heard in Court you can speak to the registrar who can refer you. For matters that have not yet been heard at Court you can reach out to the LGBTIQ Practitioner Team for an initial consult. Their email is LGBTI.FV@courts.vic.gov.au

What barriers might you face?

The Court may not grant a FVIO if there is insufficient evidence. This can be a problem in cases where behaviours from the abuser is hard to prove.

For some people, applying for an FVIO may seem like a bigger safety risk instead of a protective factor as they are concerned it will further aggravate the abuser. Poor police or Court response to breaches of FVIO in the past may also make people less inclined to apply for an order.

In any of the above cases it is good to get legal advice.

Police

Victoria Police currently has one full time LGBTIQ Liaison Office (GLLO) and over 200 portfolio liaison officers (GLLOs) across the state. Portfolio GLLOs perform GLLO duties in addition to their operational role. The contact details for the GLLOs and what area they work in can be found on the VicPol website.

Victoria Police have Family Violence Liaison Officers (FVLOs). Similar to portfolio GLLOs they perform their FVLO role as well as their operational duties. They sit within the Family Violence Unit. Every station is supposed to have FVLO and each area should have a Family Violence Unit. Victoria also has Sexual Offences and Child Abuse Investigation Teams (SOCITs) that respond to and investigate sexual offences and child abuse.