Partners and power differences
Differences help make things, and our relationships interesting, but the structural marginalisation of many forms of diversity can create power differences. We all have and negotiate relationships with power differences every day, and our sexual relationships are no different. Think about the sexual relationships you are in or have had, and think about the context of them – is there a difference in power between you?
Power differences may look like a difference in:
- age
- sexuality
- if someone is ‘out’ or not, and how recently they came out
- employment status
- Aboriginality or ethnicity
- religion
- gender and gender experience (i.e., You are cis and they are trans)
- how someone affirms their gender, and how recently they started affirming their gender
- HIV status
- Disability
- physical appearance
- or other factors
If someone in the relationship has experienced marginalisation connected to (structural) power differences, like those listed above, we need to be mindful of the potential impacts for the other person. A person might feel intimidated, unsure or unable to share how they are feeling openly. It’s important to create an environment where the person feels safe and comfortable to say no or to withdraw consent at any time.
Some ways to do this include:
- let them initiate and talk about what this means for them
- ask them what they want to do next: “You take the lead, what would you like us to do?”
- pay special attention to what their body language and non-verbal cues are telling you
- make sure you check in throughout: “Does this feel good?”
- create a safe environment before engaging in sex so they know there will be no negative reactions if they voice that they don’t want to have sex: “I just want you to know that you are safe with me and if at any point you want to stop or take a break just let me know”.
Go back to reading about power in relationships.
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